Post by robkentblue on Feb 21, 2015 13:31:33 GMT
Thomas was enjoying life in sleepy Sodor or more commonly known as sod off Chelsea. Suddenly hordes of those nasty Chelsea fans broke out of a POW camp and hijacked Thomas. Led by a Captain Von Terry they quickly succeeded in hijacking poor Thomas . The Fat Controller was devastated as it toot-tooted out of Sodor with the Chelsea fans mocking and pointing whilst singing and asking Sodor F.C. (Sodor Fat Controller) if he had consumed all the pies! There was a pie hut situated adjacent to the Station complex, a small franchise of the one at the Gallagher Stadium which got smashed up in the escape but not before a great big bald bloke had eaten 17 chicken baltis!
Thomas had a buffet car on board and beer and other alcoholic beverages were quickly snaffled by the Chelsea equivalent of Shaky and pretty soon they were all munted. By Paris there was damage to the train and a black man was prevented from boarding. The big bad baldy bloke, who by now had added 14 tins of special brew to his earlier scoffed pies, was projectile vomiting. In doing so he brought down at least 2 pursuing Sodor Messerschmitts (1 confirmed and 1 probable)
There was a lot of confusion as the headhunters or combat 88 as they were known sped across France intent on total domination and the subjugation of all other fans especially Spurs. On the outskirts of Milan they smashed up a signal box causing more damage than the French seaman normally manage and the Italians and Germans were forced into Operation 'Stack'. Trains queued patiently but not poor Thomas who was man handled in detour around Milan and onto a less well known track previously closed by another bad man called Beeching.
Thinking they were almost home and dry the group began to relax unaware that photos, videos and apt descriptions were being gathered by various Police forces and Interflora. Arrogant and cocksure (tempted but not going to!) they sung a few more songs including one about a blue flag which was flying high from the cabin at the engines front. Another offering concerned Leicester and Baldy swigged another 5 tins of 'special' whilst helping himself to an old lady's foil pack of Sandwiches, She had got on at Sodor and was clearly having a nice day out up to the point that old fat bastard nicked her sandwiches. In the ensuing scuffle the foil on the sandwhich pack was being pushed and pulled and finally broke. It was the forerunner to what was to be a spin off 'Foils war'.
Sodor's planes were still doing the odd strafing run and the cops, freed up from 'stack' were in hot pursuit. Thomas was forced to stop for various repairs and more importantly to restock the buffet car. The police forces who were closing in by now were clearly told by the Chelsea boys that 'they didn't give a **** whoever the Police might be! Thomas, repaired and toot tooting in seeming frustration, was slowly edging towards a tunnel marking Switzerland and expected freedom. Baldy having one last can and a slash simultaneously by a tunnel pillar hears the Tooting but not Mitcham, Robert or otherwise and sprints after the departing train, I say sprint but in reality he stumbles, gasps, pukes and does a couple of Messi farts before collapsing in a heap with his despondent mates looking on helpless. THE END.
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Footnotes: How the hell does he combine this lot? Is he mad? Well quite possibly! Thomas features because along with 'Frozen' it's my granddaughters favourite. Von Ryan's express is on AGAIN and the Chelsea thing speaks for itself. I'm not anti anyone (except 'glory hunters) but was affronted by the Paris Metro events.
