Post by robkentblue on Sept 23, 2013 16:06:29 GMT
I awoke this morning to what I perceived as an eerie silence. Something had happened but what!? The quietness persisted so I sought information via the TV and radio networks. Hearing the main headlines I thought it could be the terrible terrorist atrocities in Kenya or other impoverished nations. Radio 4 had a piece on GM crops whilst highlighting the hunger and sufferings throughout our precious world which I thought could be the reason for perhaps two million poor souls being displaced from their homes by a bad man named 'Acid' and his use of chemicals (not if your Russian) on his own people. There seemed to be reports emerging from China and all the far East plus India, Africa and strangely included Ireland and London and Home counties of distraught millions and lamentations from nearly two-thirds of the earths population. Then a smile broke out on my lips as I realised the life changing news coming from 'Five live'. City had beaten United.
A phone-in confirmed my deductions. Mrs Smeghead from Watford said: "Just aint right upsetting the kids. Now they wont go to school cos all the uvvers who ate united will take the piss and tell them they should support their local club." Nicky Campbell gave her short shrift for her use of bad language before several others tried to interject. Order restored we then listened to a man with terrible English saying he is an Iranian living in Britain by the name of Abdab Wheresmydinnerjacket. claiming to speak for millions of democratic Iranians bemoaning the fact that Robeen Van Pissy did not play which has upset his nation and threatening to fire a missile at the 'Etihad stadium' or Israel whichever is closest. Nicky, once again struggling to control the situation, goes to Warren from Wigan. " things have changed Nicky. There was a time when City would just roll over. Its not fair that teams like City, Chelsea and even Spurs now have some cash to spend." On hearing the mention of Spurs Abdab says they're gonna get nuked as well!. Nicky points out to Warren and the millions massed around their radios that having money has been pretty much the domain of United's alone since the 60's as United seek to cash in on the global brand name and indeed the 'Munich effect' from the horrific crash of 1958 where millions, including my late father rallied to their cause in sympathy.
This does not go down well with a Emerelda Atkinson from London who says:" I'm trying to be calm and rational about this Nicky but fackin ell, losing to City is not on". Nicky tries to calm the language and incessant swearing but it has no effect on Esmerelda who continues." Bluddy Ciddee are just noisy bleeding neighbours who should know their place and stop taking points off United. After all, they keep dooooiiinnnggg it." Her voice by now is hysterical and Nicky is forced to pull the plug on the programme,
Switching to TV I try SKY. An attractive lady with cleavage on display is giving her opinion about Richard Keys and Andy Gray ,those two hypocritical misogynists, joining Al-Jazeera and being sponsored by someone called Achmed a friend of a man called Abdab.
BBC South East are local in Maidstone and are interviewing people outside the 'Cherry Tree ' pub. A man who has had lots to drink is chucking sandwiches and crisps to people on the 85 bus. He looks a little Shakey and for some reason is trying his newly learnt 'Rosetta Stone' French. " Bonnjoooorr and whippage ". Asked by the lovely lady interviewer if he's annoyed at City winning replies "Gattox and bollox". He grabs her roughly whilst trying to kiss her and at the same time spitting out chunks of pork pie chored from the bar. " go on love, whippity whip and gis a kiss!" She smacks his face hard and says "DVD. You're having a laugh!"
I have had enough of this I thought and bought a selection of newspapers expecting less hysteria but the papers seemed as confused with one or two suggesting Moyes is sacked whilst others saying it would not have happened in Fergies time
(fergie time: geddit?) . A business section explained that with this defeat they would have to delay the release of their fifth new shirt of the season which would have deep repercussions in the share price falling 25% and their overall club valuation being whittled down to £85 billion necessitating another float whilst the Glazers ask Bill Gates for another loan whilst taking out another £250 million each.
BANG! I had fallen out of bed. It was all a horrid dream or was it.? News reports were indeed flying in that a number of missiles had been fired at the Etihad, Israel, White Hart lane and the Cherry Tree by a man who had by now found his dinner jacket and was blaming a bloke called 'lunch' for not allowing his oil to get through as well as United's loss to their noisy neighbours!!
THIS IS ALL A LOT OF NONSENSE AND NOT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY FOLKS! NO UNITED FANS WERE HURT IN THE PUBLISHING OF THIS SATIRICAL DAFTNESS. I AM STILL HAVING TREATMENT AND LA-FONTAINE
AND SIR PHALEX CAN GET KNOTTED!!
A phone-in confirmed my deductions. Mrs Smeghead from Watford said: "Just aint right upsetting the kids. Now they wont go to school cos all the uvvers who ate united will take the piss and tell them they should support their local club." Nicky Campbell gave her short shrift for her use of bad language before several others tried to interject. Order restored we then listened to a man with terrible English saying he is an Iranian living in Britain by the name of Abdab Wheresmydinnerjacket. claiming to speak for millions of democratic Iranians bemoaning the fact that Robeen Van Pissy did not play which has upset his nation and threatening to fire a missile at the 'Etihad stadium' or Israel whichever is closest. Nicky, once again struggling to control the situation, goes to Warren from Wigan. " things have changed Nicky. There was a time when City would just roll over. Its not fair that teams like City, Chelsea and even Spurs now have some cash to spend." On hearing the mention of Spurs Abdab says they're gonna get nuked as well!. Nicky points out to Warren and the millions massed around their radios that having money has been pretty much the domain of United's alone since the 60's as United seek to cash in on the global brand name and indeed the 'Munich effect' from the horrific crash of 1958 where millions, including my late father rallied to their cause in sympathy.
This does not go down well with a Emerelda Atkinson from London who says:" I'm trying to be calm and rational about this Nicky but fackin ell, losing to City is not on". Nicky tries to calm the language and incessant swearing but it has no effect on Esmerelda who continues." Bluddy Ciddee are just noisy bleeding neighbours who should know their place and stop taking points off United. After all, they keep dooooiiinnnggg it." Her voice by now is hysterical and Nicky is forced to pull the plug on the programme,
Switching to TV I try SKY. An attractive lady with cleavage on display is giving her opinion about Richard Keys and Andy Gray ,those two hypocritical misogynists, joining Al-Jazeera and being sponsored by someone called Achmed a friend of a man called Abdab.
BBC South East are local in Maidstone and are interviewing people outside the 'Cherry Tree ' pub. A man who has had lots to drink is chucking sandwiches and crisps to people on the 85 bus. He looks a little Shakey and for some reason is trying his newly learnt 'Rosetta Stone' French. " Bonnjoooorr and whippage ". Asked by the lovely lady interviewer if he's annoyed at City winning replies "Gattox and bollox". He grabs her roughly whilst trying to kiss her and at the same time spitting out chunks of pork pie chored from the bar. " go on love, whippity whip and gis a kiss!" She smacks his face hard and says "DVD. You're having a laugh!"
I have had enough of this I thought and bought a selection of newspapers expecting less hysteria but the papers seemed as confused with one or two suggesting Moyes is sacked whilst others saying it would not have happened in Fergies time
(fergie time: geddit?) . A business section explained that with this defeat they would have to delay the release of their fifth new shirt of the season which would have deep repercussions in the share price falling 25% and their overall club valuation being whittled down to £85 billion necessitating another float whilst the Glazers ask Bill Gates for another loan whilst taking out another £250 million each.
BANG! I had fallen out of bed. It was all a horrid dream or was it.? News reports were indeed flying in that a number of missiles had been fired at the Etihad, Israel, White Hart lane and the Cherry Tree by a man who had by now found his dinner jacket and was blaming a bloke called 'lunch' for not allowing his oil to get through as well as United's loss to their noisy neighbours!!
THIS IS ALL A LOT OF NONSENSE AND NOT TO BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY FOLKS! NO UNITED FANS WERE HURT IN THE PUBLISHING OF THIS SATIRICAL DAFTNESS. I AM STILL HAVING TREATMENT AND LA-FONTAINE
AND SIR PHALEX CAN GET KNOTTED!!
